Confessions By Augustine - A Life Changing Book

Reviewing one of Augustine’s most important texts

I’ve always known Confessions as a classic of philosophy, but it was more recently that I discovered its most biographical element which while somewhat obvious from its title, I never paid too much attention to it. They are 13 books, written around 400 AD, and it is roughly divided into 2 parts.

The first is his confessions and the second is an analysis of Genesis. I didn’t read the second part, and I’m saving it for a later date. The first talks about his early life, and more specifically his conversion to Christianity. I was expecting it to be mostly recounting his sins and regrets, but I was surprised to find that’s not the entirety of the book.

While it’s not a complete autobiography, it does deal a fair bit with his life, and while wasn’t what I expected and hoped for, it was really enjoyable. Even more the most mundane of things, such as his friends or his positions as a teacher, it was a pleasure to read and did have a greater purpose of being included. It started with his infancy up to his teenagehood, then later his academic life, and finally his conversion to Christianity.

Some of the written is an actual confession in the sense that you’re thinking of. For example, the fact that he stole a pear from a neighbor when he was 16. Not because he was hungry, he even had better pears himself, but for the act of theft itself. But some of the writing, and in fact most of it as he gets older, the confessions are rather theological. First by believing in Manichaeism, then by not being able to convert to Christianity, and even after being converted, his struggle of dedicating his life to God.

The story of his life was incredible, and one of the most impactful I’ve ever read or heard about. And his life journey reads as if it was a novel, and near the end, his conversion to Christianity, after an endless struggle, is incredibly cathartic. Even more so when he decides to dedicate his life to God. It wasn’t just a gradual process, but there is a key event that makes him decide on the spot, and his whole thought process is beautifully described in incredible detail.

The only thing I’m cautious about the book is that it is, of course, quite religiously heavy. Not overly so, but enough that for those who are not religiously inclined, and towards Christianity more specifically, the reading will not have the same effect. You don’t need to be religious per se, but at the very least have an interest in it or understand what it is about. Even for me sometimes the theology went a bit deeper than what I’d typically be comfortable or interested in, but it was never overwhelming and it was never too dense for too long which allowed for an overall smooth reading.

There are two big aspects of the book that stuck with me, both having the same root in humility. The first is moral humility. You can tell how honest his confession is, and how deeply aware he is of both the sins he has committed and how much he has to improve. It reminds me of when I was younger and I considered myself a good person, because I looked around and I saw people acting so badly. It took a completely new worldview to see myself as a bad person instead and try to improve myself against an ideal. But reading Augustine just makes me realize how little I’ve come and how far I have to go.

Furthermore, his honesty is humbling. I’ve had a similar experience as he is describing in this book and it was life-transforming, and I tried to live by such a standard ever since. But it is not easy, and whether you want to or not, you end up deviating from it. Reading his confession makes me realize how much I have to “confess”. There is a saying that states that the child is to a man what the man is to the sage. And reading Augustine feels like reading a sage and making you feel like the man or child in comparison.

The second humility aspect is intellectual. I can’t even possibly describe how humbling it is that this man was dealing with so many of the same theological problems that I have fought on my own. And it is slightly surreal to see him asking the same questions almost 2000 years ago. Not to say that I necessarily agree with the answers he gives, but it does remind me of my arrogance as a young new-atheist and materialist, and that I completely dismissed the question itself, as if the very questioning was an act of genius that no one has ever thought before.

And yet here is Augustine, not only asking the same questions but putting arguments back and forth for different takes, far better than I ever can. Being constantly reminded of my own ignorance and arrogance was almost painful, and enraged me so much that I wanted to slap myself — which I certainly deserved.

Lastly, another point that made me really feel in Augustine’s shoes is how he long he took to convert to Christianity, long after he felt in his “heart” that it was true. He couldn’t accept some of the things associated with it on an intellectual level, and that prevented him to commit to the Christian story. It took him both a more nuanced and deeper understanding of the faith (for example, realizing that scripture is often symbolic, or taking a more Platonic worldview which goes beyond a materialistic ontology), together with a leap of faith and courage to finally convert and call himself a Christian. While with some differences, it is nevertheless similar to my own position and again it feels incredibly surreal to read such a similar experience despite such a wide gap in culture, space, and time.

It was one of my favorite books I ever read, and some of the passages are beautiful beyond description. It is not a book for everyone. While it includes philosophy, it is not really a philosophy book. The same can be said as a theological work or a biographical work. But whatever it is, it is a masterpiece and no wonder it’s so famous even today.

I got the Penguin Pocket Hardback, which I recommend. The fact that it is so small and thick makes it a bit hard to keep the pages open, but it’s not a big deal. It is incredibly aesthetic, and most importantly, the translation is fantastic. In order to copy some passages electronically, I used another translation, and it was much, much harder to read. If I had read that one instead my enjoyment would have been reduced, and I’m glad I picked such a good translation out of sheer luck.

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