The Only Book That Ever Made Me Cry

Reviewing “When Breath Becomes Air” by Paul Kalanithi

Warning: This review contains spoilers

This a memoir from Paul Kalanithi, a neurosurgeon that is diagnosed with IV metastatic lung cancer. It starts by telling his life story in general that leads to his current position as a neurosurgeon. That part alone I already found incredibly enjoyable and worthwhile. However, of course, the bulk of the book and what it is truly about is his diagnosis with cancer and how he deals with it.

I believe stories like these always have value, and they teach you a lot if you know how to learn from them. But this one, in particular, is mind-blowing due to Paul’s incredible personality and journey. And this is greatly enhanced by fantastic writing.

What grabbed my attention immediately was how similar Paul was to me in certain questions he was trying to answer. And yet, I was dumbfounded at his approach to answering them. While I have read a fair bit on medicine, the existential perspective he explores within it is unique and fascinating. What I’ve always searched with philosophy, he somehow found it medicine, something I had never even conceived of.

His encounter with death in his profession and how that relates to his life perspective was described in detail and was a pleasure to read. However, it was almost odd to read it because it felt so personal… as if I was able to have a conversation that was too intimate and deserving of greater privacy. It’s a direct look into his soul that most people aren’t willing to share, and if they are, they aren’t articulate enough to do so.

His love for philosophy and literature and how it blends with his medical practice makes this memoir very unique. I’m sure there are many interesting stories from neurosurgeons, and that are also many biographies about dealing with cancer… But Paul’s combination of interests and his talent for writing make this book precious beyond measure. Even cancer aside, it is a wonderful description of what medicine is truly about, and seeing Paul’s dedication to it and how much it meant to him is awe-inspiring.

The book gives you perspective in a sense that is hard to explain. It is the knowledge that can’t be articulated but dives directly into the deepest aspects of life. Beyond this knowledge, which almost fills a sin to call it knowledge but lacks any other description, his story is inspirational beyond comprehension in how he deals with his own death. The way he accepted his mortality and shifted his life according to what his health made available to him seems like unreachable wisdom to most of us.

It’s a fantastic read for anyone interested in neurosurgery and oncology, but the core message can appeal to anyone because it is ultimately about death, and therefore about life. What it means to live, what life makes it worthwhile, and how to die. It’s a must-read for everyone, and it feels a blessing that his story was recorded and described by himself in such detail. I’m not a very emotional person, I couldn’t help but cry when reading it.

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